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You will be happy in a relationship, I promise – very soon you’ll wonder why you ever thought this was a problem! “What if being bi means I’m never happy in my relationships, whether it’s with a man OR a woman? I like men in a different way than I like women, maybe I’ll never fall in love and be happy!”.It isn’t something that defines you as a person, it’s honestly absolutely fine, and you will be OK. You aren’t, but you are bi, and there’s no reason not to want it either way. You’re not gay, you’re bi, but that’s not a problem! I spent nights lying awake, thinking things like this: I distanced myself from my friends and I couldn’t stop thinking negative thoughts about myself. The possibility that I was “confused” or “undecided” and that I was actually gay.It was made harder by not fitting properly into the categories people try and put us all in – “gay” or “straight”. I realised that, contrary to what I’d thought all my life, I wasn’t the same as everyone else.Īccepting the fact that I wasn’t “straight” was really hard. I was freaked out, but I was in denial and firmly convinced myself that the thoughts about women were just a phase, or just something I found sexually exciting because it’s a bit ‘different’.īut by the time I was 21 I realised I was unhappy, that being in denial about my sexuality was affecting my relationships and that I couldn’t ignore it or make it go away. It wasn’t until I was 18 that I properly started having sexual fantasies and desires, and more than half of them were about women.
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But the first time I watched a film or tv show and felt sexually attracted to the person on the screen, it was a woman – a scene in American Pie, I think! I assumed the feelings were because I wanted to “be” as attractive and sexy as the woman on screen, so I didn’t think too much about it! I’d always been friends with girls, but as a kid I never thought about girls in a romantic way… whereas I had ‘crushes’ on boys, who I obsessed over, and who I wanted to kiss and hold hands with and be with foreeeever. I didn’t realise I was bisexual for a long time.